The 4 Levels of Friendship

Over the course of time, friends come and go. Some will stick with you through anything, they’ve been by your side since childhood and may even take a bullet for you. Others are “fair weather” friends and will likely be gone tomorrow.

I believe my desire to start writing now, at this point in my life, stems from the close friends I have today. I work with some of them and we hang out often outside of work, we go out to bars and clubs together, we gather to watch Charger games every Sunday and generally fun times are had! I spend so much time with these people, but I’m still unable to open myself up fully to them. I thought at first I must have trust issues. But here I am sharing this with complete strangers, so that can’t be it.

Late one night last week, when as usual I couldn’t fall asleep, I lay awake in bed and devised a theory I’ve since named “The 4 Levels of Friendship.”

Level A – Acquaintances   These are people you see regularly, you know their names and a bit about their lives, you share small talk with them about the weather or what team won the game last night. A good example of this level of friend is the barista at your favorite coffee shop or the server at your favorite restaurant that knows your “usual” order. You’re on a first name basis and are always friendly toward them, but you wouldn’t invite them to your weekend BBQ.

Level B – Buddies   These are the friends you play with. They’re always up for a night out on the town, going to the beach or starting a recreational softball team. It’s a group of mutual friends and their families who get together often for social events. However, you rarely have serious discussions about happenings in the news, religion and spirituality or major life events. This level of friend is strictly for having fun.

Level C – Consultants   This level of friend is one you turn to for advice. You trust their input and value their opinions. They may be more educated and well read than your Level B friends. They stay abreast of current events and are most likely going green if they haven’t already done so. You’re comfortable with these friends and can bounce any idea off them without fear of being laughed at.

Level D – Dearest   Your dearest friends are the ones that have been through it all with you. The best friend from childhood that still lives next door to you. You consider this friend a part of your family and you know they will always be there for you. This is the friend that, to put it simply, gets you.

Each level builds upon the ones below it. I admit there are gray areas between levels and of course friends can move up or down from one level to another. This is only version 1.0 of my theory and it will evolve as my friendships continually change.

Utilizing the 4 Levels of Friendship theory, I see that my closest friends, the ones I spend a majority of my time with, all fall into Level B. This completely explains my desire and need to write. I’m Level C and D friend deficient! It seems my current group of friends meet only one kind of social need, leaving a deeper and more intellectual need unfulfilled.